One-Way Ticket to "Holland"

There is a famous poem known in the special needs community called, “Welcome to Holland”, by Emily Kingsley.  Had I read it about fifteen years ago, I would have had not a clue as to the true scope and emotions that can be read between the lines.  

You see, in order to understand the “vacation trip” you had planned for your new baby that is suddenly diverted, or slowly changes course to your new destination, you need to have been the parent who realizes that your tour guide books, clothing, itinerary; all of those things you had carefully folded and arranged into your suitcase were not enough.  You find at the boarding gate that your boarding pass to “Typical” First Class Parenthood has in fact been downgraded to a “Special Needs” Coach Seat assignment…where you are now seated in Row Y at the back of the plane next to the bathroom and in between Seats X and Z. 

Now, before you start to say, “Hey, don’t compare being a special needs parent to having a crummy, crowded coach seat…”, allow me to explain the comparison and then the struggle to get that seat in Coach upgraded to First Class again. 

That First Class Seat section is the parenting section that very few parents ever get to enjoy sitting in…in fact, it is often a section of “musical chairs” in which parents will often times find themselves rotating between First Class and Business Class right behind it.  Some parents seemingly have “Highly Preferred” Gold Star Member Status because their children are pretty much “by the book”—destined for greatness (or at least initially) and it’s literally and figuratively “smooth sailing” for the majority of the trip.  Not much crying; if at all, warm meal (with a tasty dessert and cool beverage), soft pillow, blanket, 5-star treatment, and a soft landing nearly every time. 

You used to to sit in the First Class section when you had your oldest child.  Boy, you had it made!  He did everything early or on time, hit those Gerber milestones like a champ, and made parenting look like a breeze. In fact, everywhere you went, you racked up rewards faster than you could put “achievement” stickers in your son’s baby book!  So when you found out that you were having twin daughters next, man, you were ready to really just have the most fantastic ride yet!  Sure, a little turbulence here and there (twins, two babies and a toddler…obviously some hiccups along the way) but a course set up for “Typical” Childhood with nothing but clear skies ahead!

You start noticing though that some of the parents seated next to you in the First Class section are being kicked out their seats and sent to the back of the plane while some of the other parents are being gradually sent back a row behind where they last sat as the flight progresses.  Soon, you are being ordered to start slowly moving back row behind row behind the next.  Some of you are now seated just out of reach of First Class while the rest are corralled to the back of the plane to which the curtain is closed off from the First Class for the rest of the flight.  You find yourself in the very back of the plane and the curtain seems far away.  No hot meal, no cool beverage and certainly no dessert.  

A bag of peanuts might be tossed over in your direction for all of you parents to lunge towards and fight over as this is an infrequent event and there are never enough bags of peanuts for all the parents.

The flight is never as smooth of an experience as for those at the front of the plane and the turbulence is felt much stronger and longer in the back.  The windows stick shut often times and although they do occasionally open, the views are mostly obstructed by clouds, the wing of the plane, and minimal sunbreaks. The flight is always delayed but no matter the actual reason, the parents in Coach (especially those in Rows X, Y, and Z) are always blamed.

  You figure that despite the delay in take off and the turbulent and uncomfortable flight that it will all be worth it when you finally land at your destination.  But when the flight lands, you and the other parents in Coach are not allowed to deboard the plane like everyone else in Business and First Class.  You are informed that you must stay on the plane.  You protest and grab your bags anyway and line up in the aisles but are told that if you do not sit back down and prepare for take off, you will remain on the tarmac.  Since you already sat for hours before with the flight delayed, you are too exhausted and defeated feeling to protest any further and sit back down.  The plane takes off  (after another lengthy delay and again taking the blame for that delay) and after a rough flight, you finally land…at the very same place that Business and First Class parents were allowed first to get off at and you were not. 

You are upset and confused but relieved to have been able to land where you needed to.  You get off the plane and head for the baggage claim where you discover that your bags are not there…none of them!  You ask the front desk about your missing bags but they claim to have never even had record of your bags even being on the plane to begin with.

  All you have is whatever carry on bags you brought with you on the plane...and no return ticket home.

You learn that you must charter your own flights from here on out and brace for many more delays and cancellations to come...

But you will never give up on booking that First Class ticket to where you need to ultimately be.